The Armory with Sai Blade
by Sai Kunai Blade
Summary: Ah, weapons... Beautiful death machines that make destroying your enemies exponentially easier. In both the real world and fictional world, there are many wonderful instruments designed specifically for bringing life to a screeching halt. But which are the best weapons in both the real and fiction world? That's what I'm here to tell you. Let's take a look into Sai Blade's armory!
1. Tsubaki

There are many strange and wonderful weapons in the world of Soul Eater, but one stands out above all others: Tsubaki Naka... Na-kat-su-ka-sa... Yeah, that. IT'S TOO LONG!

That's what she said!

[Really? -.-]

Back to the point, she is more versatile and effective than any of her demon weapon counterparts in the show... Just too bad she's the partner of a complete fuck-up. She has at least 5 modes to use to aid you in the robbing of life. The sleak, quick and agile ninja blade for speedy and silent assassinations where longer weapons are ineffective. The kusari-gama, 2 deadly scythes with 14 feet of chain in between them to strike enemies at a distance, choke them from behind cover like a garrot wire, block deadly attacks or trap the with the chain to prevent escape. The smoke bomb, to provide a quick escape from automatic gunfire, catch your enemies off-guard for the finishing blow or escape if the cops come before you can flee the scene when you're mission is done. And the shuriken, a giant, 4 pointed ninja star for death at a distance. And then of course there's the all-powerful soul resonance. While this takes a little effort on your part as well, she has various all powerful moves for attack, strategy and defense, such as the Trap Star or Shield Star, leaving the enemy wide open for an attack from you while they're off-guard or futiley trying to break through shield star. She probably has way more, but that's all they did in the show. Even so, with all her modes, there's AT MINIMUM **ONE** Soul Resonance technique that will get the job done for you most, if not all the time.

[I seem to believe you're still forgetting something...]

Huh? Oh, right! And lastly, after killing her brother inside his own souls, she absorbed his soul and gained his enchanted sword state, transforming her into a deadly, badass black katana that boosts your power enough to practically guarantee victory and allows you to attack with your SHADOWS.

[The only catch is, it can cut out a chunk of your soul...]

But, upon mastering this weapon state, you become the closest thing to unstoppable.

So who gives a shit?

And her sweet, gentle, patient, caring nature makes her compatible with almost anyone, as seen in the manga, where she occasionally partners up with Maka. Also in the manga, as part of her enchanted sword mode, she can turn into a massive black kunai for up close mudering or long range throwable death. And when she isn't in her weapon form, she makes you delicious foods and deserts like any good woman should and will never mind grabbing you a beer while you're on the couch. She can probably be talked into sex pretty easily, too.

What a woman! What a weapon!

[And that's why the lovely and wonderful Tsubaki Nakatsukasa has been added to our armory.]

**Tsubaki Nakatsukasa:**

**ADDED**


	2. The Dragon Sword

The Ninja Gaiden series is famous for having a wide variety of weapons to quickly and impressively slaughter those foolish enough to stand in your way. But out of all of them, only one melee weapon truly stands out among them all: The Dragon Sword. Passed down from generations in the Hayabusa ninja clan, this blade, physically indestructible (you can't just break it), was carved out of the fang of the dragon GOD, it is the perfect balance of speed, power and combos. And if you unleash the ultimate attacks of this weapon, you're enemies should run home pissing themselves and crying for mommy, but since they're too stupid to realize their impending doom, they will fall victim to a ruthless combo that rivals anything a meat grinder or wood chipper could do to them.

And we haven't even told you the best part yet!

[Much more to this sword than that.]

When combined with the mystically Eye of the Dragon jewel, it becomes a divine blade of infinite power, becoming the ultimate weapon in the game and can destroy true evil while leaving the innocent unharmed, which is great if you don't like killing people you're not trying to or don't want to be blamed for unnecessary death, like Superman after the Man of Steel.

And we're still not finished!

[It has an excellent security system.]

If you do not posses a strong, incorruptible, unwavering will, this beautiful weapon will devour your soul.

We need something like that for our car! Teach that damn caddy-smashing Batman a lesson.

And if you still aren't sold as to why this weapon is making it in, once being transformed into the True Dragon Sword, it's very existence warps the fabric of the dimension, meaning this blade, much like the Wu Tang Clan, is truly nothing to fuck with. And that's why the Dragon Sword has been added to the armory.

**Dragon Sword:**

**ADDED**


	3. The Shiv

Humanity has been creating weapons to stab each other for thousands of years. And as I learned from my uncle, nothing is more beautifully simple than the shiv. Not only is it useful for ending a life, it is also a versatile tool that can be used for picking locks, slitting throats and even cutting up your food after having been properly washed. And in many cases, while there are better weapons than the good ol' shank, it's resourceful and easy to make, which is useful if your in a situation where you're low on options or in a place where you have no convenient weapon. Easily craftable from scissors or any type of short, but sharp metal and some tape, with an average length of about 5 inches, it's simple, elegant and long enough to make sure the job gets done, as you only need to go in about 2-3 inches to hit something vital.

There you go! Even if you don't think we're funny, you're learning something!

[That's half the point of this fanfiction. Learning what's the best way to end the life of your opposition.]

Perfect for the element of surprise and sneaking up on unsuspecting enemies, Arkham Asylum style, leaving their buddies unaware of their own impending doom. And if you read the first chapter and prefer a more "get up in their face and kill them" style, you can partner it with Tsubaki (or any form of smoke, if you have smoke bombs or a pipe in a building is conveniently leaking steam), run in and stab them in the face... or wherever you want to stab them.

What if you don't like getting that close?

[We have a solution for that,too.]

More tape! With just a little extra tape, you can attach a shank to something that's already deadly, like a lead or steel pipe, broomstick, canoe paddle, or one of my personal favorites, a sword and/or machete. Because more blades equals more blood and more pain, which equals more fun. It's also great for defense when a zombie apocalypse happens and one of the meatbags gets lonely and wants a hug and to give you a hicky. Play the last of us and you'll know just how useful a shank can be. To quote the late, great Pappy Blade (R.I.P, Grandpa), "If you wish to live, always carry a shiv", which is why I'm adding this simple, but deadly and effective weapon to the armory.

**The Shiv:**

**ADDED**


	4. Crescent Rose

The world of RWBY has many incredible and fascinating weapons, but out of all of them, you just can't match up to the one used by the person that the friggin' show is named after. The Crescent Rose, a powerful and deadly scythe belonging to the young and energetic Ruby Rose... Until I stole it, of course... This badass weapon gives you a range of I'd say about 8-and-a-half feet, the blade adding onto that. It is able to easily slice through large monsters that could probably easily slice a human in half.

[Beowolves, Ursai and even the titanic Nevermore are no match for this deadly weapon]

It also appears to have what looks to me like some form of an ax blade on the back end of the scythe blade. Finally, to top it off, it's also a customizable, high-impact sniper rifle.

….HUH?

[Ugh... -.-]

...It's also a gun. As your average sniper rifle is usually about 50 calibur, that is AT MINIMUM how powerful Crescent Rose is. However, I'm going to assume it is by far stronger than that, as it can launch Ruby back a large distance at insane speeds. Since the average height of a 15-year-old girl (Ruby is 15) is 5'2" and the average weight is around 115 pounds, in order to launch that back about a minimum of 10 feet per second, the force required to do so would have to be at least...

[Are we REALLY trying to do physics? We don't know ANYTHING about physics!]

WHAT ARE WE THINKING?!

Shut up, I'm thinking! … If my facts are wrong, check with Insieme Per La Vittoria, he's a hell of a lot smarter than I am. I'm probably doing this wrong but let's try this: 115X.60... 191.6... Divide that by 10...

[Are you sure you're doing that right?]

Shut it! We've never tried physics before! Let him have his moment!

191.6 divided by 10 would be 19.16 pounds per square inch... I DON'T KNOW, IT'S STRONG AS ALL FUCK! *pants heavily* It's okay, I'm better... We're fine...

[I can't believe we actually just tried physics...]

I'm so proud of us! *cries happily*

So, with all it's crazy gadgets and a total of 3 different weapons rolled up into one, plus the sniper rifle adding to the power of each strike and making the wielder far more maneuverable than they are on their own, the grim reaper himself would be proud to use this thing. Can't catch the person whose soul you are trying to send to the next world? Put a 3 inch hole in their chest. In the end, there's a reason why Professor Ozpin called it "one of the deadliest weapons in the world" and why Death himself carries around a scythe, which is why the Sniper Scythe that is Crescent Rose has been added to the armory.

**High-impact Sniper Scythe, Crescent Rose:**

**ADDED**


	5. Pikachu

[Are we REALLY doing this one?]

Yeah, he's too cute to be included in the armory: full of the deadliest weapons in fictional and Real Life history!

Precisely why we're adding him my dear head voices! The world of Pokemon is full of so many colorful, wonderful and POWERFUL creatures just waiting to be caught by you and used in whatever way you want, but there's one that stands out above all others and why he's been in the show since episode one. Yep! We're talking about Ash's Pikachu!... Which will soon be cloned into MY Pikachu when I write that rematch chapter of Ash vs. Sai.

[SPOILER ALERT!]

This cute and cuddly electric mouse is capable of powering an entire city block on his own, so imagine all that power directed at one singular target. If the show were less child-friendly and more realistic, any human who fell victim to Pikachu's righteous thunder would either be a well-roasted, electrified corpse, or a bloody stain with a few pieces left over there, over there and up there. With the power to blow up massive robots much larger and more powerful than himself and even being able to put up a fight against legendary Pokemon, when you unleash this cute little yellow furball of fuck-you-up against your opponents, they better either pray for a swift death, or be wearing A LOT of rubber, because if not, they ain't surviving what your yellow companion of electric destruction shall unleash upon them.

[He may be small, but he DOUBTLESSLY packs a punch.]

You know what they say: Big things come in small packages!

And when he busts out his ultimate move, the deadly Volt Tackle, which remember can effortlessly punch holes through giant metal robots and the oh so smart and "never-mistaken" Wizard stated strikes with the force of a Megaton warhead, anyone less durable than Goku stands no chance of walking away from that.

And he's so cute!

[The perfect combo of cuddling and carnage...]

Exactly! Who WOULDN'T want a living death machine that doubles and a cute, friendly and cuddly traveling companion? Which is why everyone's favorite and iconic Pokemon has been added to the armory!

**Pokemon #25: Pikachu:**

**ADDED**


	6. Yamato

You may say to this "but Sai, you already put a badass katana in the armory, isn't one enough?" To this, I say neigh! I've put an badass, unstoppable divine katana into the armory...

[Now we're putting in...]

A badass, unstoppable DEMONIC katana!

Whileit was bastardized along with everything else in that piece of trash reboot Ninja Theory had the nerve to call Devil May Cry, the real Yamato (pronounced: Yah-ma-toe, not Ya-Mat-toe) is the deadly, soul stealing katana forged from darkness of the franchise with the ability to cut through almost anything, even the very dimension itself. Also, it is the first and only weapon that was able to bring down Dante, which definitely stands for something.

[But he didn't have his demon powers yet...]

So what? He got stabbed AT LEAST 5 times before that and nothing happened to him. ONE stab from that baby and he was out!

Also, the one thing the reboot DID get right, as with the rest of the series, Yamato has the power to clothes the gates to hell, another thing which should speak for itself about the weapons power. Apparently, as far as I can tell from my extensive, agonizingly tasking and thorough research, Yamato was how Sparda originally cut the link between the human world and the demon world.

Anything else we need to go over?

Ah, yes! Also, this may just be Vergil, but Yamato may have the power to create smaller broadswords of demonic energy to use in the place of guns, which the devil knight practically refuses to touch. And while this is most likely a game mechanic, playing as Vergil and using Yamato in Devil May Cry 3 makes beating the game exponentially easier than using Dante. TOTALLY worth the lack of cutscenes in Vergil's side of the story.

[No wonder Nero always hordes it to himself.]

It can effortlessly vivisect enemies that Dante would otherwise struggle to defeat with Rebellion. Which is why the devastating Yamato made its POINT, to earn it a spot in the armory.

**Yamato:**

**ADDED**


	7. Blade-a-rang

Blade. The Vampire Hunter... And the only known man who rivals Batman in terms of being armed-

Quite literally!

-To the teeth. But which of the Daywalker's deadly weapons is making it into this armory?

[It's not gonna be the stuff exclusive to vampires, is it?]

No. To be added in the armory, it must be able to hurt EVERYTHING, not one specific type of enemy. So, which of the half-breed's all-around killing tools earns his place here? The silver stakes, which he has at least 3 of strapped to each limb? No. His silver bullet-launching automatic pistol?

Uh-uh?

His bigger stake-launching shotgun?

['Fraid not.]

Or even his near-indestructible, but not totally indestructible titanium, acid-etched sword, whatever the hell acid-etched means? No, my friends, the weapon we are adding here is one that no matter how many times Blade uses it or throws who knows how far away, he will always get it back. His Blade-a-rang!

[OFICIALLY, it is called a glaive.]

Blade-a-rang sounds cooler! Besides, also officially, glaives are spears/polearm weapons, like naginatas and staff-swords.

Either way, this double-bladed boomerang of death can be thrown with great strength at incredible speeds. Enough to the point it can go around and come back to Blade's hand before his enemies can even recognize their heads are no longer attached to their shoulders. While he has several other versions, this is the best, as it can be used again and unlike some of the others, he doesn't have to go get it at the end. Plus, like I said, the others are more specifically tailored to vampires and, while they'll hurt like hell, they are not as deadly to humans as they are to the Hominus Nocturna.

[That's vampires, for those of you who weren't paying attention. That's their Latin name.]

AS dead of a language as a vampire, or anyone else is, after you throw this at them!

And as I keep stressing with this, unlike Batman's precious batarangs, this will actually come back to the thrower like an actual type of boomerang should.

If you're so smart, why didn't you make a batarang that can do THAT, Batman? Sure as hell save him some pocket space.

[To get technical, he could make one of the remote-controlled batarangs come back to him. You get a trophy for that in the Arkham games.]

Whatever. It can also be used in close quarters combat as a quick and unpredictable weapon against your opponents with a blade on each side of your hand with your fist directly in between them. And as any good member of the battlefield should know: unpredictable against you=BAD. Just look at Rambo... Or Blade.

[Lose track or underestimate them and...]

You're basically fucked.

And this weapons gives that same effect, which is why the good old Blade-a-rang has been added to the armory.

**Blade-a-rang:**

**ADDED**


End file.
